It is normal for women and men to have stressy thoughts when it comes to the emotional complexities of relationships. If you didn’t, you’d be a robot. These are simple steps to fix your dating worries:
1. Your insecurity: He might not call you after a date.
Your fix: Wait two days, then call him. (If you phone 15 minutes after a date, you risk looking desperate. If you wait a week, you risk him doubting your interest.) His quick response (or lack thereof) will give you your answer – no need to agonize over him longer than necessary.
2. Your insecurity: He might just want you for sex.
Your fix: Use him just for sex. If you’re not down with that – don’t sleep with him. If you’re really worried that he might only be interest in banging, then have a conversation before you sneak into the sheets explaining what you want and expect (monogamy? breakfast in bed? $1 million?) from the person you’re sleeping with.
3. Your insecurity: He’s dating other women.
Your fix: Date other men. Please, I am begging you. Until you’ve both committed to each other completely, you should not give away your exclusivity (women do this constantly to their great detriment). Now, if you’re in a committed relationship and you think he’s playing you – see number five below.
4. Your insecurity: He’s not that interested.
Your fix: Time for some tough-love. If a guy is interested in you, he shows it. By calling you (before midnight), introducing you to his friends and showing up when he says he will. So if you’re insecure because he’s not doing these things and he may not be interested, you worry with good reason. It’s time to get way less interested in him. Cut off your attention and see how he responds – you’ll get an accurate reading on his level of interest within 48 hours of radio silence.
5. Your insecurity: He’s cheating on you.
Your fix: First, ask yourself if you have a good reason to worry about this. Is there someone in particular who concerns you? Has he cheated in the past? Or are your hormones causing you to imagine a telenovela’s worth of betrayal and abandonment for no good reason? If you have legit concerns, talk to him. Immediately. If you still feel uneasy, it could be time to take a breather from the relationship – for your sake and his.
6. Your insecurity: You’re not satisfying him in bed.
Your fix: Listen for his reaction, watch his face and feel his, um, response to what you’re doing. Then ask for feedback – both before the big event (with flirtatious, sexy questions on what exactly he likes) and during the deed (with more subtle yes/no, harder/softer, thisaway/thataway cues). Also encourage him to let you know what’s working and what’s not – that conversation on its own will be a huge turn-on.
7. Your insecurity: He’s not attracted to you anymore.
Your fix: There’s nothing less attractive than a girl who’s doubting her hotness. Give yourself a pep talk, some sexies undies and a dose of love from Lady Gaga: “When I wake up in the morning, I feel just like any other insecure 24-year-old girl," she says in Rolling Stone magazine. “Then I say, 'Bitch, you're Lady Gaga, you get up and walk the walk today.'" Also if you find out that you are getting less attracted to yourself, hit the gym, burn those calories, dress up more, and always listen to things that will elevate and make you happy. Fill your mind with good thoughts. And your inner glow will radiate thus giving you an outer glow.
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